Navigating an ADHD diagnosis later in life

I didn’t get my diagnosis until my late 30s, by that time my self esteem was pretty much in tatters. I found it really hard to accept that there was another explanation for why life had been so difficult other than me being lazy, useless and unworthy.

I’d seen so many comments online about ADHD being an excuse, something that didn’t really exist. Some of these comments even came from medical professionals, my own GP didn’t really seem convinced.

At the same time I had read so many experiences of people living with ADHD which resonated with me in a big way. It was reading detailed case studies as part of my Psychology and Counselling diploma that made me want to explore a diagnosis in the first place.

I spent a long time wrestling with this. Was there really a biological reason behind all of the challenges I’d faced in life? Or was I clutching at straws and just looking for some kind of excuse for my shortcomings?

I thought getting an official diagnosis would change everything, but I still found it hard to accept even after seeing it in black and white. BBC’s Panorama had done a report that suggested some private companies were handing ADHD diagnosis like candy to anyone able to pay.

Had I just wasted thousands of pounds for nothing? Did I just need to try harder and push myself more as I’d often been told? Decades of trying harder didn’t work so I had to try something different. I decided to learn more about ADHD and find out if some of the recommended ways of managing it would work for me.

I clearly remember the moment that my diagnosis clicked and I finally accepted that I do indeed have ADHD. I’d decided to do ADHD coaching training which ended up being way more of a personal journey than I ever expected it to be.

Being in a group of 30 people sharing their experiences which so deeply mirrored my own was nothing short of transformative. Hearing it first hand  hit me on a completely different level to reading case studies. Any doubts I had about ADHD being real and something I was living with evaporated.

Accepting the reality of ADHD came quickly, but letting go of the deeply ingrained beliefs I had about myself has been more of a process. It takes time for our brains to re-orient themselves after a diagnosis, especially when that comes later in life.

When a pathway in our brain is used a lot it essentially develops a coating around it which makes it stronger and faster. Our brains use this to be more efficient and it helps make behaviours more automatic. But at the same time it makes it more difficult to let go of old habits and develop new ones.

It’s much like going to the gym, as you train muscles they grow, and if you stop training over time they will reduce in size. Beliefs work in a similar way, it takes some for the new ones to get stronger and the old ones to lose their strength.

Changing those beliefs is so important, they work as a lens that influences how we see the world. When I believed I was lazy and useless all I saw was evidence of that and I felt worse and worse about myself. Anything good I did I managed to downplay and throw dirt over.

Now I believe I’m capable, some days it’s not easy to get going but it’s down to how my brain is wired and not some character flaw. I’ve moved my internal goal posts and I’m much more able to celebrate my achievements and feel good about them.

I’m not going to pretend things are perfect, all of this doesn’t mean my ADHD is cured. But at the same time I feel like I’m living in a completely different reality than before for the better. Life feels a lot lighter now I learned new ways of doing things and can operate with a lot more kindness and empathy towards myself.